It had been a long peaceful and stable days since I joined eye team last September. Peaceful days make me so comfortable and even forgot to blog. So, this a lil' update for my past few month.
In eye team, the up and downs are not that tremendous compared to the days I'm in the general team. And... I really like the eye things. It kinda change my mind of leaving nursing after the 5 years contract, It makes me wanna stay and take up a post basic.I just can say, sometimes things don't always end up like up like you think; the path is destined, we try to change, but at last you will find out the best path is still the original one.
But, of course. Where there is work, people, there is always problem. Through these problem, I've better insight of myself. I grew more confidence and more acceptance towards the so call 'devil' me. I realize, in order to be strong, u must have both angel and devil in you. Only angel it will not able to push you to a better level and sometimes you need to be devil to certain people to protect yourself. Conclusion is, I'm much more confidence and comfortable with my imperfections nowadays. And of course I will not stop improve myslef.
Friday, July 4, 2014
Monday, March 17, 2014
Life
Thinking of this quite frequently after I come back from the Indonesia trip. It's about what I want in my future. What do I want to do other than nursing? What kind of life I want in future?
For the first question, there no confirm answer since i realize I don't like nursing. Culinary? Language? Medical technician? I allowed some time for searching the new possibilities, but recently I eagerly want to know what's the answer is and try to push me to that direction. Because, I suddenly realize, I don't have much time left. I'm already 23, 3 year 3 month more to finish my contract as a nurse. I don't want to be unsure of what thing I want at that age, and if I do, I'm sure i will be still working at this sxxxx hospital, because I have no where to go.
I eagerly need a skills, a cert or something that I can bring with after finish my contract. I can't be travelling until I old, so I need something I like I passionate about to give me an income.
I'm not sure about it yet, but i think it is something related to arts. But anyhow, I need more determination to achieve goals, I must built this up!
And talk about life, the main things I want is simple and freedom. I don't really like Malaysia lifestyle, things getting more and more expensive but the salary never rise; public transport is bad ( because I don't really like to drive);traffic jam everywhere; a lot of snatch thief etc. Maybe other country have their cons too, but at the moment I really wish to stay at a country like New Zealand or Canada. Less population and looks more simple to me. ( Although I don't really travel there before, but one of dreams is to have a working holiday in New Zealand!)
Think and think...I should sketch my plan now. Before the my contract finish, I should have my plan and skills in my hand for me to fly.
For the first question, there no confirm answer since i realize I don't like nursing. Culinary? Language? Medical technician? I allowed some time for searching the new possibilities, but recently I eagerly want to know what's the answer is and try to push me to that direction. Because, I suddenly realize, I don't have much time left. I'm already 23, 3 year 3 month more to finish my contract as a nurse. I don't want to be unsure of what thing I want at that age, and if I do, I'm sure i will be still working at this sxxxx hospital, because I have no where to go.
I eagerly need a skills, a cert or something that I can bring with after finish my contract. I can't be travelling until I old, so I need something I like I passionate about to give me an income.
I'm not sure about it yet, but i think it is something related to arts. But anyhow, I need more determination to achieve goals, I must built this up!
And talk about life, the main things I want is simple and freedom. I don't really like Malaysia lifestyle, things getting more and more expensive but the salary never rise; public transport is bad ( because I don't really like to drive);traffic jam everywhere; a lot of snatch thief etc. Maybe other country have their cons too, but at the moment I really wish to stay at a country like New Zealand or Canada. Less population and looks more simple to me. ( Although I don't really travel there before, but one of dreams is to have a working holiday in New Zealand!)
Think and think...I should sketch my plan now. Before the my contract finish, I should have my plan and skills in my hand for me to fly.
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Reveals the dark side of me
I have this blog since 2009. Is quite a long time ago. And don't know since when, I set this blog as private. Only me and another friend of me can view. And after since then, this blog become a negative diary of mine. I put all my negative, devil thoughts and my rubbish mood inside.
But today, I decided to set it back to public. Without delete any post. I struggle for a while before I decided to do that (although I know that not many people will view it before I share on FB). But I still decide to reveal the dark side of me. Thanks to the blogger that inspire me, her blog let me know what is real and every people got their dark side, why should I hide mine? Having a dark side of you doesn't mean that you can't be a good person in your life, these are just thought that u try to compromise bad things in your life. The most important things is you don't really do something bad.
Well, 2014 is a good year for me. I got many inspiration by people around me. Felt really grateful that I can be inspire by them and it helps me to overcome some bad things. I will change this blog to a place that can inspire others. The old me is a history, I'm upgrading myself to a better me.
#qotd# Live life to the fullest. Pursue your dreams
But today, I decided to set it back to public. Without delete any post. I struggle for a while before I decided to do that (although I know that not many people will view it before I share on FB). But I still decide to reveal the dark side of me. Thanks to the blogger that inspire me, her blog let me know what is real and every people got their dark side, why should I hide mine? Having a dark side of you doesn't mean that you can't be a good person in your life, these are just thought that u try to compromise bad things in your life. The most important things is you don't really do something bad.
Well, 2014 is a good year for me. I got many inspiration by people around me. Felt really grateful that I can be inspire by them and it helps me to overcome some bad things. I will change this blog to a place that can inspire others. The old me is a history, I'm upgrading myself to a better me.
#qotd# Live life to the fullest. Pursue your dreams
Saturday, February 8, 2014
Changes
A sudden thought struck my mind while I'm gathering with you girls. It seems that I'm kinda different world from you all now, some pieces of us are still connected. But somehow u all can't understand why I am thinking like that now.
I'm grey. I always don't fit into any color well. This is not emo, just a sudden strange feeling. I felt so sad, suddenly. Who really trying to understand me in this world? Do you think the me in front of u is really so simple? Not as complicated as u think? Gah.....I really hope keep my world simple stupid, but I know, u all will say this 'Pls la~what the hell thing in this world will be simple! It's always complicated!'
I know how cruel the reality is. I just need someone me to pamper me in my sweet dreams sometime.
Okay, I know I looks like a kid now. But I hope my life will be simple happy like a kid. And I try my best to make it. This is my wish for 2014. Fulfill my dreams that I can, find a boyfie that loves me, love my family more.
I truly felt guilty when I'm back today. My dad open doors for me and then he went back to sleep. Speechless. But I suddenly realize how selfish I am. I'm really sorry. I should consider my family more. I promise that I will. They don't really know what I think sometimes, but they loves me all the time.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
I wish I was straight and simple
Stuck myself into a stupid scenario again. Two days ago, I tell myself to stop all the attention to her, and I was insomnia that night. But the next day, i feel better, we hang out and i ask her the things i wanna to ask. She says they are still friend.. and i believe. And now, i had heart sinking and breaking moments. I hate it.
I'm now doing stupid things, i.e waiting for her to come back. What i expect? Ntg. To use this as an indicator for truth or lie? I don't know. I don't want to lie to my feelings. I know that I love you. And yet I can't show it. I'm too serious now too, I can't even get back to the relax relationship before.
It's terrible. Why? Why me? Why I'm always in love in ppl who does not love me? i just want to be loved, i tried to love every ppl around me. But why? I'm always hurT?
i actually don't want to fake that I'm just only your friend in front of you. But I know you can't take my love. And I choose to step away, but somehow, i still get hurt.
Hell, these love will turn me into a hatred person one day. Please stop it!!! I felt I'm more to devil side right now, arghhh... stop their love pls!!!!! I JUST HATE SEEING THEM!! OR KILl MY LOVE, TRANSFORM ME INTO A FAKE COLD BLOODED PERSON, I'M TOO KIND AND I GOT NOTHINGS BACK!!!
I'm now doing stupid things, i.e waiting for her to come back. What i expect? Ntg. To use this as an indicator for truth or lie? I don't know. I don't want to lie to my feelings. I know that I love you. And yet I can't show it. I'm too serious now too, I can't even get back to the relax relationship before.
It's terrible. Why? Why me? Why I'm always in love in ppl who does not love me? i just want to be loved, i tried to love every ppl around me. But why? I'm always hurT?
i actually don't want to fake that I'm just only your friend in front of you. But I know you can't take my love. And I choose to step away, but somehow, i still get hurt.
Hell, these love will turn me into a hatred person one day. Please stop it!!! I felt I'm more to devil side right now, arghhh... stop their love pls!!!!! I JUST HATE SEEING THEM!! OR KILl MY LOVE, TRANSFORM ME INTO A FAKE COLD BLOODED PERSON, I'M TOO KIND AND I GOT NOTHINGS BACK!!!
Sunday, December 15, 2013
情非昔比.前奏.
情
亲情 友情 爱情
爱
友爱 同性爱 异性爱
情与爱 为何可以如此变化无常
由爱转恨 由恨转爱
变化得 令人措手莫及
我爱你
一个月以前，此‘爱’指的是带有点亲情的友爱
一个月以后，此‘爱’变成了同性之爱
是我之前没发现，我早已爱上了你；抑或是此刻的我混淆了我对你的爱？
亲情 友情 爱情
爱
友爱 同性爱 异性爱
情与爱 为何可以如此变化无常
由爱转恨 由恨转爱
变化得 令人措手莫及
我爱你
一个月以前，此‘爱’指的是带有点亲情的友爱
一个月以后，此‘爱’变成了同性之爱
是我之前没发现，我早已爱上了你；抑或是此刻的我混淆了我对你的爱？
Monday, December 9, 2013
Shit! Why i have to pain twice?!?!
The similar pain, recurs.
Though not the same ppl, but the pain is the same, this time even harsher. I'm seeing their sweet part, and aside heart-aching.
That's wht i hate crush, my every crush is so bitter. I just want someone love me, why so hard?
Maybe i should forget about love, cheers for free and single. Peace, no bitter no sweet, no sorrow and heartbreaks.
Though not the same ppl, but the pain is the same, this time even harsher. I'm seeing their sweet part, and aside heart-aching.
That's wht i hate crush, my every crush is so bitter. I just want someone love me, why so hard?
Maybe i should forget about love, cheers for free and single. Peace, no bitter no sweet, no sorrow and heartbreaks.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
累了
最近真的累了，身体上，精神上，好多好多问题与事情接着来，让我神经超紧绷.就快窒息了。
先是考试，再来是assignnment,还有今年就一直在我脑海删除不去的林嘉敏。这些已经都够烦了，回到家，还是没得休息，还要烦上加烦的妹妹还有处处跟我作对的printer,一直要我控制脾气的家人，
真的是郁闷得快爆了！
现在真的有种何处是我家的感觉。回到家累上加累的感觉真的让我很想撞墙！我现在竟然有了‘待在宿舍更好的感觉‘。真的真的好累好郁闷。情绪，不是一种你假装很快乐，它就会很快乐的一种东西。我需要的是让我心情变好的东西，而不是无谓的控制与强制催眠。
不过，真的谢谢你们俩，至少帮我减轻了我一个烦恼。 <3你们，嘻嘻！！
先是考试，再来是assignnment,还有今年就一直在我脑海删除不去的林嘉敏。这些已经都够烦了，回到家，还是没得休息，还要烦上加烦的妹妹还有处处跟我作对的printer,一直要我控制脾气的家人，
真的是郁闷得快爆了！
现在真的有种何处是我家的感觉。回到家累上加累的感觉真的让我很想撞墙！我现在竟然有了‘待在宿舍更好的感觉‘。真的真的好累好郁闷。情绪，不是一种你假装很快乐，它就会很快乐的一种东西。我需要的是让我心情变好的东西，而不是无谓的控制与强制催眠。
不过，真的谢谢你们俩，至少帮我减轻了我一个烦恼。 <3你们，嘻嘻！！
Friday, November 18, 2011
最近就是想恋爱啦！！
我想，我的发情期到了，最近真的超想谈恋爱的，可是又不好意思太高调，所以只好在这边低调地post一下。
连我自己都很难解释，我为何如此想谈恋爱，可是心里就是想谈一场轰轰烈烈的恋爱。
（我最近变得如此三八及幼稚，是不是也跟这个有关系啊？）
而且，真的有点他妈的的说，我以前明明告诉人家我不可能会嫁给医生的，现在让我有好感的那两位，一个是未来医生，一个已经是专科医生，真是他妈的。
上天真爱作弄我，举凡我说不可能的，它都要让我尝试一下。之前说决不会喜欢女生的，都让我试过了，现在这个又来？？？
不管怎么说，我就是想恋爱啦！
连我自己都很难解释，我为何如此想谈恋爱，可是心里就是想谈一场轰轰烈烈的恋爱。
（我最近变得如此三八及幼稚，是不是也跟这个有关系啊？）
而且，真的有点他妈的的说，我以前明明告诉人家我不可能会嫁给医生的，现在让我有好感的那两位，一个是未来医生，一个已经是专科医生，真是他妈的。
上天真爱作弄我，举凡我说不可能的，它都要让我尝试一下。之前说决不会喜欢女生的，都让我试过了，现在这个又来？？？
不管怎么说，我就是想恋爱啦！
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Should I stop or Shouldn’t I?
Rang her twice. She didn’t pick up my calls.
Okay. I’ll stalk at her fb at the meantime.
Stalk. Stalk. Stalk.
Seems se had an awesome birthday ya. She hang out with some of friends. Someone call 988 to give her call coz of birthday. And a boy turn up at her house at 1157pm. Really a popular girl eh, doesn’t she?
Since I have plenty of time, I stalk mai that boy who turn up at her house at 1157. Look at old pictures, hmn…. They looks like couple eh, in one of the old photos. Check out an old blog of him(okay, I admit I really enjoy stalking at others) and found out that….. the really seems like couple b4. Tried to find out their recently status.
Search. Read. Search. Read.
Found nothing except some photos and flirting caption tagging each other.
But my heart.
But my heart.
Sank.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
在夜深时，我在期待着什么？
这时候的你，应该在做功课，要不然就在edit照片，再不就是写部落格。
而我总在这时，迟迟不肯入睡，即使我明天早上有课。
我不睡觉，在做什么呢？？
我就在盯着面子书，部落格，看看你有什么更新
可是在夜深时，我能期待什么？
而我总在这时，迟迟不肯入睡，即使我明天早上有课。
我不睡觉，在做什么呢？？
我就在盯着面子书，部落格，看看你有什么更新
可是在夜深时，我能期待什么？
Monday, April 4, 2011
当我的心在抽痛时
这个地方，只有我在为你的事而烦，感到心痛时才会跑来的地方
我知道我太敏感，但我心痛得不是你和别人打情骂俏，和别人开玩笑。
而是恨我没有这个幽默的能力和你开玩笑，和你打情骂俏。
所已我只好装作忽略掉，但其实我心里痛得。。
你知道我有多渴望和你说话吗?
我知道我太敏感，但我心痛得不是你和别人打情骂俏，和别人开玩笑。
而是恨我没有这个幽默的能力和你开玩笑，和你打情骂俏。
所已我只好装作忽略掉，但其实我心里痛得。。
你知道我有多渴望和你说话吗?
Thursday, February 10, 2011
情人节
情人节，最惨的不是没有情人，而是有喜欢的人却不能跟他一起过。而且重点是你们都在同一个空间地下。
从来没试过哪一个情人节那么郁闷得啦~以前情人节还不是普通天一个，今年却偏偏排我休假，排了一个让我暗恋的人， 但就是没排我和她一起过啦！！！那是怎样啦！！！这让我超级郁闷的叻！！
老天，我不是要她的肯定或是什么,就一个暧昧情人节也让我满足了,成全我, 好吗?? 求你啦~~T.T
从来没试过哪一个情人节那么郁闷得啦~以前情人节还不是普通天一个，今年却偏偏排我休假，排了一个让我暗恋的人， 但就是没排我和她一起过啦！！！那是怎样啦！！！这让我超级郁闷的叻！！
老天，我不是要她的肯定或是什么,就一个暧昧情人节也让我满足了,成全我, 好吗?? 求你啦~~T.T
Friday, January 21, 2011
我想，还是算了吧
我发现我还是真得不够坚持
这大概是我守得最短的暗恋吧，以前总是静静地喜欢，还喜欢蛮久的
现在决定付出行动了，反而坚持一下就。。。
她，真的不是得受欢迎，还是男女通吃的那种。
有信心，有才华，有爱心。
真是天之骄女啊
反观我就.....普通女一个
明明知道自己那么普通, 偏偏眼光就那么特别
真的是, 自己拿来受的咯~
今天看到几句不错的金玉良言:
这大概是我守得最短的暗恋吧，以前总是静静地喜欢，还喜欢蛮久的
现在决定付出行动了，反而坚持一下就。。。
她，真的不是得受欢迎，还是男女通吃的那种。
有信心，有才华，有爱心。
真是天之骄女啊
反观我就.....普通女一个
明明知道自己那么普通, 偏偏眼光就那么特别
真的是, 自己拿来受的咯~
今天看到几句不错的金玉良言:
>>一半半吧~伤心的时候也几伤神下的
>>我就常在做这种事
Friday, January 14, 2011
I'm Tired
I'm Tired, but I don't know why
I just don't to sleep, waiting for what? or who?
I don't know
I am looking forward for the holiday to come
But I am also scared
Scare for what??
Scare to have a truth that I never want to know
I just don't to sleep, waiting for what? or who?
I don't know
I am looking forward for the holiday to come
But I am also scared
Scare for what??
Scare to have a truth that I never want to know
Sunday, January 9, 2011
I miss u, seriously
kept on control my mind not to think about you these few days. But obviously, i failed to do so.
When the lecture gets boring, my minds fly, again. To think about u.
You're really a ppl who let me feel difficult to understand.
You're looks like a sunshine , but keeping very very low profile.
You're Hot but actually you're Cold??Just guessing...
Argh..............
When the lecture gets boring, my minds fly, again. To think about u.
You're really a ppl who let me feel difficult to understand.
You're looks like a sunshine , but keeping very very low profile.
You're Hot but actually you're Cold??Just guessing...
Argh..............
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Thursday, December 30, 2010
决定了
决定了， 把对你的爱，化作永恒的爱，并且毫不隐藏地，慢慢让你知道。
终于想通了，我一向做东西都太心急了，要一切都快些定下来。
看来以前，我对待爱情也是如此。
想快点要一个确定的答案， 却忘了爱情最美总是在雾里看花时
在得不到一个确定的答案时，就快点逃跑， 以免受伤
那就是我，那面对爱情时，懦弱的我
决定了，就放手去爱吧
不要害怕受伤， 让你慢慢感受我对 你 . 的 . 爱
=)
终于想通了，我一向做东西都太心急了，要一切都快些定下来。
看来以前，我对待爱情也是如此。
想快点要一个确定的答案， 却忘了爱情最美总是在雾里看花时
在得不到一个确定的答案时，就快点逃跑， 以免受伤
那就是我，那面对爱情时，懦弱的我
决定了，就放手去爱吧
不要害怕受伤， 让你慢慢感受我对 你 . 的 . 爱
=)
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Trust you - Yuba Ito
A japan song that i like~the lyric is translated =)
Flowers sway in the wind as if dancing
So that the rain moistens the earth
Even though this world is alive, coming closer together
Why do people hurt each other?
Why do partings come about?
Even if you go far away
You're still always right in the middle of my heart
While they remain completely buried by that kind smile
Even if I feel pain
In fragments of you that I held, because we're still connected
I believe that we can meet again
I'm waiting for your love
I love you, I trust you
I want you to share your loneliness with me
I love you, I trust you
Even in light, even in darkness
Because we're together, we're able to believe in each other
Please don't leave anymore
Who saw the end of the world?
Who announces the end of the journey?
Even though it's a long night and the answer can't be seen now,
I want you to move on on the road you believe in
Because from this point forth, the light is waiting for you
Even now, the song you taught me
Still remains within my heart
And echos along with that friendly voice
The overflowing tears of my feeling
Run over my warm cheek
Become strong, and
Believe!
If we connect with each other
I'm always by your side
I love you
I trust you
The tears I shed are for your sake
I love you
I trust you
You taught me love
I love you
I trust you
No matter if you walk on the wrong path,
I'll be beside you!
I love you
I trust you
I want you to share your loneliness with me
I love you
I trust you
Even in light, even in darkness
I love you
I trust you
Even in sadness, even in happiness
I love you
I trust you
I want to protect you completely
No matter if you're walking on the wrong path
I'll be beside you!
Because we're together, we're able to believe in each other
Please don't leave anymore
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