Reveals the dark side of me

I have this blog since 2009. Is quite a long time ago. And don't know since when, I set this blog as private. Only me and another friend of me can view. And after since then, this blog become a negative diary of mine. I put all my negative, devil thoughts and my rubbish mood inside.

But today, I decided to set it back to public. Without delete any post. I struggle for a while before I decided to do that (although I know that not many people will view it before I share on FB). But I still decide to reveal the dark side of me. Thanks to the blogger that inspire me, her blog let me know what is real and every people got their dark side, why should I hide mine? Having a dark side of you doesn't mean that you can't be a good person in your life, these are just thought that u try to compromise bad things in your life. The most important things is you don't really do something bad.

Well, 2014 is a good year for me. I got many inspiration by people around me. Felt really grateful that I can be inspire by them and it helps me to overcome some bad things. I will change this blog to a place that can inspire others. The old me is a history, I'm upgrading myself to a better me.

#qotd# Live life to the fullest. Pursue your dreams

Changes

A sudden thought struck my mind while I'm gathering with you girls. It seems that I'm kinda different world from you all now, some pieces of us are still connected. But somehow u all can't understand why I am thinking like that now.

I'm grey. I always don't fit into any color well. This is not emo, just a sudden strange feeling. I felt so sad, suddenly. Who really trying to understand me in this world? Do you think the me in front of u is really so simple? Not as complicated as u think? Gah.....I really hope keep my world simple stupid, but I know, u all will say this 'Pls la~what the hell thing in this world will be simple! It's always complicated!' 

I know how cruel the reality is. I just need someone me to pamper me in my sweet dreams sometime.

Okay, I know I looks like a kid now. But I hope my life will be simple happy like a kid. And I try my best to make it. This is my wish for 2014. Fulfill my dreams that I can, find a boyfie that loves me, love my family more.

I truly felt guilty when I'm back today. My dad open doors for me and then he went back to sleep. Speechless. But I suddenly realize how selfish I am. I'm really sorry. I should consider my family more. I promise that I will. They don't really know what I think sometimes, but they loves me all the time.

I wish I was straight and simple

Stuck myself into a stupid scenario again. Two days ago, I tell myself to stop all the attention to her, and I was insomnia that night. But the next day, i feel better, we hang out and i ask her the things i wanna to ask. She says they are still friend.. and i believe. And now, i had heart sinking and breaking moments. I hate it.

I'm now doing stupid things, i.e waiting for her to come back. What i expect? Ntg. To use this as an indicator for truth or lie? I don't know. I don't want to lie to my feelings. I know that I love you. And yet I can't show it. I'm too serious now too, I can't even get back to the relax relationship before.

It's terrible. Why? Why me? Why I'm always in love in ppl who does not love me? i just want to be loved, i tried to love every ppl around me. But why? I'm always hurT?

i actually don't want to fake that I'm just only your friend in front of you. But I know you can't take my love. And I choose to step away, but somehow, i still get hurt.

Hell, these love will turn me into a hatred person one day. Please stop it!!! I felt I'm more to devil side right now, arghhh... stop their love pls!!!!! I JUST HATE SEEING THEM!! OR KILl MY LOVE, TRANSFORM ME INTO A FAKE COLD BLOODED PERSON, I'M TOO KIND AND I GOT NOTHINGS BACK!!!

情非昔比.前奏.

情
亲情 友情 爱情

爱
友爱 同性爱 异性爱

情与爱 为何可以如此变化无常
由爱转恨 由恨转爱
变化得 令人措手莫及

我爱你

一个月以前，此‘爱’指的是带有点亲情的友爱

一个月以后，此‘爱’变成了同性之爱

是我之前没发现，我早已爱上了你；抑或是此刻的我混淆了我对你的爱？

Shit! Why i have to pain twice?!?!

The similar pain, recurs.

Though not the same ppl, but the pain is the same, this time even harsher. I'm seeing their sweet part, and aside heart-aching.

That's wht i hate crush, my every crush is so bitter. I just want someone love me, why so hard?

Maybe i should forget about love, cheers for free and single. Peace, no bitter no sweet, no sorrow and heartbreaks.